Just keep breathing

 It's been a while since I've written. In itself it is a good sign. The CT scans look good every time so far and my thyroid levels are good too. The physical fatigue is still there and in the last conversation with the pulmonologist he indicated that this occurs often and that some deal with this for the rest of their lives. For the first time since my diagnosis I managed to go on holiday to Scotland again. We have been looking forward to it and the weather was wonderful! One of the goals I had was standing on top of Arthur's Seat. I've written about it before. Shortly after I was diagnosed, a friend suggested that what was growing in me should be named Arthur. That helped me so much to put it into perspective and give it a place. Arthur's Seat was already a wish, but after that it had an even greater meaning. When I tested positive for Corona at the end of the first week of our holiday in Scotland, I was disappointed. Surely this wouldn't ruin my challenge? I...

It has been a year ago, the operation or that we said goodbye to Arthur. Shortly after I was told it was a malignant tumor, a friend said to me let's name the creature that grows inside you: Arthur. That has helped me so much I was able to approach it a bit more lightly. Because part of the tumor was lasered away, it caused a lot of irritation in my trachea, which meant that I had to cough regularly or had a tickle in my trachea. Because this was all happening in the early days of the Corona outbreak, coughing was something I would rather not do because everyone looked at me immediately. At such a moment I could say to myself or one of the children: "Arthur is being annoying again" or "It's all Arthur's fault." We had to laugh about that instead of letting us feel uncomfortable. One of the first things I wanted to do after my recovery is to stand on top of Arthur's Seat. We have been to Edinburgh twice and both times I was unable to get up Arthur...

A question that I am asked regularly and of which I do not know how to answer. As for the cancer, things are going well. The tumor is completely removed during the surgery and everything looked good at the scan in November. And yet there is the but…. Because I still feel far from good. After the last radiation treatment, the side effects have become even worse. Even with paracetamol, swallowing is painful. I'm on morphine-like painkillers. Initially a short-acting one that I can take an hour before a meal, but this does not work. Then switch to patches that work for a long time. It takes a while for them to start working, but it helps. Fortunately, after a week it is going a bit better and I can get off with paracetamol alone. About 7 weeks after the last radiation session I can eat almost everything again, but it remains sensitive. Even now, 20 weeks after the last radiation treatment, there is still a spot in my esophagus that is sensitive when swallowing. Especially with larger ...