A year has passed

It has been a year ago, the operation or that we said goodbye to Arthur. Shortly after I was told it was a malignant tumor, a friend said to me let's name the creature that grows inside you: Arthur. That has helped me so much I was able to approach it a bit more lightly. Because part of the tumor was lasered away, it caused a lot of irritation in my trachea, which meant that I had to cough regularly or had a tickle in my trachea. Because this was all happening in the early days of the Corona outbreak, coughing was something I would rather not do because everyone looked at me immediately. At such a moment I could say to myself or one of the children: "Arthur is being annoying again" or "It's all Arthur's fault." We had to laugh about that instead of letting us feel uncomfortable.

One of the first things I wanted to do after my recovery is to stand on top of Arthur's Seat. We have been to Edinburgh twice and both times I was unable to get up Arthur's Seat (first time pregnant which made it difficult for me to walk large parts and the second time I had a child with two broken wrists and I did not want to walk large trails with him). This made the name Arthur completely appropriate. Unfortunately we have not yet managed to go to Edinburgh because of the Corona pandemic, but the wish is still there.

It's a crazy time full of memories and looking back. March 2 finding out there was “something” in my trachea, March 5 the first surgery (laser removal), March 12 the diagnosis of cancer. And now (March 31) a year since the surgery. That was the most intense moment. Enter the hospital while you are not feeling ill but of course you are inside and then wake up like a wreck. At least that's how I felt. And from that moment on everything is different, I will never be like before. The physical limitation from removing almost half of my trachea and the mental change from what I have been through.

I have had the second scan after the treatment and fortunately everything looks good. A huge relief, I was really dreading it. The fear that the cancer will return remains, but that feeling may fade into the background for a few months for the time being.

After months of blood tests and waiting for appointments with the internist, I started medication for a slow thyroid gland last week. There was not really a clear diagnosis. The blood values are within the range even though they are at the lower limit. The combination of complaints, low blood values and the fact that I have had radiation in the area where the thyroid gland is located is reason enough to try how I react to the Levothyroxine sodium. Hopefully there will finally be some progress in my recovery.

Above all, I continue to enjoy and be proud of the small moments of happiness: with my little man we go to the fire station and the police station where he happily points out all the ta-tu cars, vans, trucks, bicycles, motorcycles, men and women. At home he count fingers and tells daddy and big brother and sister all the things he saw. Talking to my big daughter about her choice of studie subjects and studies that she might like to her. And my middle one, which is now really in the middle, he is often so big but also sometimes he is still a little boy 💖