How are you?

A question that I am asked regularly and of which I do not know how to answer. As for the cancer, things are going well. The tumor is completely removed during the surgery and everything looked good at the scan in November. And yet there is the but…. Because I still feel far from good.

After the last radiation treatment, the side effects have become even worse. Even with paracetamol, swallowing is painful. I'm on morphine-like painkillers. Initially a short-acting one that I can take an hour before a meal, but this does not work. Then switch to patches that work for a long time. It takes a while for them to start working, but it helps. Fortunately, after a week it is going a bit better and I can get off with paracetamol alone. About 7 weeks after the last radiation session I can eat almost everything again, but it remains sensitive.

Even now, 20 weeks after the last radiation treatment, there is still a spot in my esophagus that is sensitive when swallowing. Especially with larger pieces of food, something hard or something that is very dry (e.g. mashed potatoes). During a follow-up visit to the radiation doctor, he indicated that it can even take a year for such a last spot to heal completely. There are possibilities to let it heal faster, but that is an intensive process. You go 30 times into a special oxygen tank and that ensures that the wound heals faster. Because it is so intensive, they only do this with serious complaints. This is certainly not the case with me so we will wait and see for the time being.

My neck is very sensitive. There is a swelling on the right side. Probably this is an accumulation of moisture in the tissue that has been affected by the radiation and therefore cannot drain the moisture properly. This tissue will eventually recover so that the moisture can be properly drained again.

Besides the swelling, my skin around the scar is also sensitive. Because of this I cannot wear clothes that are closed high because that will irritate.

During the conversations prior to the radiation treatments, the doctor indicated that possible side effects could also develop in the long term. One of these is reduced thyroid function.

Because I am very tired and have a number of other complaints that are associated with a reduced thyroid function, I had my blood values checked at the end of November. The blood test showed that my glucose is a bit high and the thyroid hormone FT4 is a bit too low. That is why blood was taken again after four works. High blood sugar and low FT4 again. Both are not extremely abnormal, but with the complaints I have and the risk of damage to the thyroid gland due to radiation, I have been referred to the internist. This appointment will take place in the new year.

Besides the physical complaints, there is also the mental. Everything that has happened in the past year, the realization that something small can turn your whole life upside down and the realization that life is precious. That takes time to process. In general I am very positive about this all, but now and then there are times when it hits me. Will I see my children grow up, will the cancer come back and if so how and where, but also practical matters such as what would I want during my funeral. This last thing is a good thing to think about. Anyone can suddenly have something that will cause them to die. And then it is good to know for your relatives if they know what you would like.

These are all small things: limitation in choice of clothing, sensitive neck, sensitive esophagus, mental complaints, fatigue and possibly reduced thyroid function, but they are all things that are a result of the cancer I’ve had.

So yeah how am I doing? Good, but recovery is a long road, the end of which is not yet in sight.

Rainbows, I think they are beautiful, for me they represent hope, positivity. The bright colors against a dark sky. And sometimes even a double rainbow or one that forms a half round. Earlier this week I was lucky enough to see a very special phenomenon, three rainbows under each other. Unfortunately I was unable to capture them in a photo, but even now a few days later it makes me happy when I think back to them. Not one but three sparks of hope in this strange time.