Just keep breathing

 It's been a while since I've written. In itself it is a good sign. The CT scans look good every time so far and my thyroid levels are good too. The physical fatigue is still there and in the last conversation with the pulmonologist he indicated that this occurs often and that some deal with this for the rest of their lives. For the first time since my diagnosis I managed to go on holiday to Scotland again. We have been looking forward to it and the weather was wonderful! One of the goals I had was standing on top of Arthur's Seat. I've written about it before. Shortly after I was diagnosed, a friend suggested that what was growing in me should be named Arthur. That helped me so much to put it into perspective and give it a place. Arthur's Seat was already a wish, but after that it had an even greater meaning. When I tested positive for Corona at the end of the first week of our holiday in Scotland, I was disappointed. Surely this wouldn't ruin my challenge? I...

It has been a year ago, the operation or that we said goodbye to Arthur. Shortly after I was told it was a malignant tumor, a friend said to me let's name the creature that grows inside you: Arthur. That has helped me so much I was able to approach it a bit more lightly. Because part of the tumor was lasered away, it caused a lot of irritation in my trachea, which meant that I had to cough regularly or had a tickle in my trachea. Because this was all happening in the early days of the Corona outbreak, coughing was something I would rather not do because everyone looked at me immediately. At such a moment I could say to myself or one of the children: "Arthur is being annoying again" or "It's all Arthur's fault." We had to laugh about that instead of letting us feel uncomfortable. One of the first things I wanted to do after my recovery is to stand on top of Arthur's Seat. We have been to Edinburgh twice and both times I was unable to get up Arthur...

“Word wakker want dit is jouw droom, je geeft hoop aan de mensen, hoop want daar draait het om” * *Wake up this is your dream, you give hope to the people, hope because that's what it's all about  I wake up with this text in my head, some lyrics from a Dutch song: “Hoogste versnelling” by Nielson. Why is this in my head, so special. Keeping hope, giving hope, being strong, fighting. And that dream, unfortunately a bad dream, but my bad dream. And I seem to have woken up. One night and that makes all the difference. The power, the willpower, want to fight, have to fight, got to fight! I will not let it crush me. While having breakfast I receive a call from the LUMC. It’s the nuclear department with a time and date for the PET scan. Monday afternoon, I am so glad because the earlier the scan the sooner clarity and the sooner the treatment can start. When I go shopping that afternoon I notice that not only my world is turned upside down. Half the supermarket is empty, people have ...