The day after

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“Word wakker want dit is jouw droom, je geeft hoop aan de mensen, hoop want daar draait het om”*
*Wake up this is your dream, you give hope to the people, hope because that's what it's all about 

I wake up with this text in my head, some lyrics from a Dutch song: “Hoogste versnelling” by Nielson.
Why is this in my head, so special. Keeping hope, giving hope, being strong, fighting. And that dream, unfortunately a bad dream, but my bad dream. And I seem to have woken up. One night and that makes all the difference. The power, the willpower, want to fight, have to fight, got to fight! I will not let it crush me.

While having breakfast I receive a call from the LUMC. It’s the nuclear department with a time and date for the PET scan. Monday afternoon, I am so glad because the earlier the scan the sooner clarity and the sooner the treatment can start.

When I go shopping that afternoon I notice that not only my world is turned upside down. Half the supermarket is empty, people have been hoarding because of the Corona virus. I can only look at it astonished and laugh about it. What the heck is going on?

What really annoys me are all the people who look at me when I cough. I really get the urge to shout: Don't worry, I don't have Corona, it's just cancer. Because every time I cough, it's because of irritation in my trachea, irritation from that stupid tumor. Every time I cough, I know it's because of the cancer. And those thoughts are annoying enough. That does not have to be emphasized by all those staring people.


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