600 days

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I've been living with cancer for 600 days. First with the knowledge that the tumor they discovered in my trachea was cancer. And since the treatment with the physical and mental consequences.

Before I knew I had cancer I could hardly imagine what it must be like to have those toxic cells in you, but especially what it is like after treatment. Some say it's gone now so there's nothing to worry about. I can't forget. Every day I am confronted with the consequences of cancer (treatment). Coughing up mucus more often, back pain due to the anatomical change in my neck, pain when swallowing large or dry pieces of food and not being able to read long stories to my toddler because talking for long periods of time is exhausting. All small things, but because of that there is hardly a moment that you forget that the cancer has been there. I realize that it could have been much worse, but these are the things I deal with on a daily basis.

And then there are the moments when you think: when will it stop. Three weeks ago I suffered second-degree burns on my hand because I got a ladle of hot soup over my hand. And when I got a toothache last Thursday, the doubt and fear struck again.

The tumor found in my windpipe is: Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma. This falls under the salivary gland cancers that arose in my windpipe. But then you get a toothache, a throbbing pain that indicates inflammation and which I mainly felt at the bottom of my gums. On a side where a tooth has already been extracted because of recurrent inflammation, but where salivary glands are also located. Then I can't prevent it from going haunted in my head. What if there is a tumor there in the salivary gland that is in that area and that causes inflammation every time. Then ratio and feeling are difficult to keep apart. These moments will continue to come and I will not let this dominate but I have lost the carefree feeling.

My hand is fine. The burn is still visible and I seem to have less feeling on the skin but no major injuries. It remains to be seen what it will eventually look like.

My tooth has been pulled and that also heals well. I notice that my body can take little since the surgery and radiation because of the cancer. The recovery and the antibiotics make me tired extra quickly. So take a step back and get some rest.



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