The results

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Today (March 12) I have another appointment with the pulmonologist. On Wednesday they always have wide consultations with all doctors and I expect that they have discussed my case there. And of course I hope the pathologist gave the biopsy results.
The hospital visit starts with a new lung function test. The pulmonologist would like to know whether the procedure has been successful. Immediately after the surgery I noticed that I could breathe a lot better, by that I realized how bad my breathing was.
After the round of Corona questions, you have a cold, you have a fever, you cough (yes, but that's because of irritation in my trachea because of the surgery), we can start. The nurse informs me I have to tell if it’s not feeling okay because there is no need to provoke the trachea. The blowing is fine and I immediately see that the curve is looking fine. The nurse responds to this by indicating that she is not allowed say anything about it, but I notice that she agrees with me.

Due to the positive spirometry result I enter the appointment with the pulmonologist very satisfied and completely relaxed. He is a bit reluctant when I tell him enthusiastically about the beautiful curve. A few minutes later I understand why he is reluctant. He knew what he had to tell me. The tumor in my trachea is malignant, it is cancer.
I had not expected this result at all, I assumed it was a benign tumor. It is a rare cancer called Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma. A cancer that often occurs in the salivary glands but also in the airways. The pulmonologist has experienced this about 15-20 times in his career. Due to the rarity, there is little to say about any metastases and the further course.

He indicates that they will surgically remove the tumor. They are going to remove part of my trachea and then put the two parts together. He tells it as if it is a small surgery that they "just" do. After the surgery I get a living advice but I can do everything as before. When the surgery is over, they will discuss whether it is still necessary to start radiotherapy. No PET scan has yet been made to look at any metastases. The pulmonologist has requested this, a telephone call by the assistant shows that the nuclear department is currently closed. As soon as they open again I'm the first on the list for a scan.
As soon as we are in the car, I call my dear friend first. Unfortunately, she knows better than anyone how I feel right now. We both can't find words, but that doesn't matter.
I have a lot of trouble with the word cancer. It is such a loaded word that is often associated with death. Yet I often force myself to say: it is cancer; I have cancer.
Once home we have to tell the children. How difficult that is, you want to reassure them, say that everything will be alright, but I cannot. I can't make them promises I don't know if I can keep. The three of us just cried. What an insecure time is ahead of us.

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